Family Secret Santa themes: formats for children and adults

A theme gives every giver in a family Secret Santa the same starting point, such as a book, something handmade or an experience. Choose it together before the draw, because people start looking for a gift as soon as they open their match. The usual rules still apply: everyone receives one gift, and every gift has the same budget.

SantaTogether has no setting for a theme: it lives in the messages you send and in each wishlist. Agree it before you create the family exchange, together with the budget per gift, which cannot be changed later.

Decide how strict it is: ‘books only’ is a rule, ‘books welcome’ is a suggestion. If you change the theme after the draw, nothing in the app needs to change, but ask first: someone may already have bought a gift.

• Agree the other family rules before the draw

In a book exchange, every gift is a book chosen for the person who receives it. It suits every age, from a board book for a baby to a novel for a grandparent. Before the draw, agree whether second-hand books and audiobooks count.

To choose a book, start from what the person already reads. The printable questionnaire has a line for books, authors or genres on the adult sheet, and a tick box for books and stories on the kids’ sheet.

For ideas by age, the gift ideas page lists book categories for children, teens and adults. It shows no products or prices. Each link opens a search on Amazon, and the page says that SantaTogether may earn a commission if you buy through one.

• Gift ideas by age, with book categories

In a handmade exchange, every giver makes the gift, or part of it: a knitted hat, a jar of jam, the family recipes written out in a notebook. Agree whether a bought gift with a handmade card also counts, so nobody feels left out for lack of time or skill.

Settle two points before the draw: whether materials count towards the budget per gift, and the date by which every gift must be ready. For food, check the recipient’s allergies first and list the ingredients on the label.

Not everyone welcomes handmade gifts, so ask before the draw. The adult questionnaire has tick boxes for handmade gifts, experiences and second-hand finds, and a line for allergies. A child who gives with your help can make part of the present, such as the card.

• Print the questionnaire, with tick boxes for handmade gifts and experiences

An experience gives time instead of a thing: a baking lesson, an afternoon at a museum, tickets for a match or a show.

Agree how the giver marks it on gift day, so everyone has something to open: a card that says what, when and with whom. Decide too whether time alone counts as a gift, such as an afternoon teaching someone to knit.

The adult questionnaire has a line for something the person would like to try or learn. For a child, agree any outing first with the adult who looks after them. SantaTogether does not buy gifts or handle gift money, so the giver books and pays.

Young children need a theme they can picture: a book, something to make, something for playing outside, something in their favourite colour. Avoid themes that depend on reading. An outing weeks away also means little to a three-year-old on gift day.

Pick a theme with a version for every age. ‘Something to make’ can be a craft set for a five-year-old and a new recipe with its ingredients for an adult.

A child who gives with your help can choose from the recipient’s wishlist, make the card and wrap the present. For a child who only receives, the theme shapes the gift they get. The kids’ questionnaire has 12 tick boxes for things a child loves, such as books and stories or space and dinosaurs, so the theme can follow what they enjoy.

For a child under 3, check the age marking on anything you buy, whatever the theme.

• How to explain Secret Santa to kids

The invitation message SantaTogether offers has a fixed text: who invites you, the exchange name, the private link, and that children need no account. It has no line for a theme. Copy the message, paste it into your family chat and add the theme underneath before you send it.

The exchange name appears in that message and at the top of the exchange page. You choose it when you create the exchange, and it cannot be changed later, so put the theme in the name only once it is settled.

In a fictional family, Nora names her exchange ‘Book swap 2026’. Her son Felix, 6, gives with her help. Her brother Ivan’s daughter Isla, 2, only receives, so Ivan agrees to give two gifts; the draw decides who receives them. With their mother Rosa, that makes five gifts for five people. Under the copied message, Nora adds: ‘One book for each person, new or second-hand, within the budget per gift.’

Each adult then adds book ideas to their wishlist, with the theme in the idea or its note, and Nora and Ivan write their children’s. Givers read the lists after the draw.

• Copy a family invitation and add your theme to it
• How to make a useful Secret Santa wishlist