Secret Santa for a large family: cousins, households and one draw

A large family can run Secret Santa as one exchange with one draw, for up to 50 people. In SantaTogether, the limit counts adults and children together: once an exchange has 50 participants, nobody else can join or be added.

One exchange has one invitation link, one budget per gift, one date, one set of rules and one draw. To start, create a family exchange and invite the other adults.

Separate exchanges are for more than 50 people, or for branches of the family with their own budget or date. The app does not connect them: an adult in two exchanges gives and receives in both.

In SantaTogether, the household rule is on by default: nobody draws someone from their own household. In the app, a household is one adult and the children that adult adds, so two adults are always two households, even if they live together.

Take a fictional family of nine in four homes: grandparents Margaret and Gordon; their daughter Fiona with Callum, 8, and Elsie, 2; their son Duncan with Ailsa, 11, and Rory, 1; and their daughter Kirsty. For the app, that makes five households, because Margaret and Gordon count as two.

Only the organizer can change the rule or add exclusions, and only before the draw. Each exclusion removes options, so add only what the family wants:

• Couples: if partners should not draw each other, add an exclusion with ‘Exclude both directions’ ticked, as for Margaret and Gordon.
• The other parent: if one parent adds the children, the other is a separate household and can draw them. Add an exclusion from that parent to each child, and back from a child who gives.
• Cousins: no exclusion needed when different adults add them. Callum can draw either of his cousins.

• Couples, children and draws that cannot run

Each child in an exchange has one responsible adult: the adult who adds them. The app cannot add a second adult or hand the child to another adult later, so the parents agree from the start who adds the child.

If both parents are in the same exchange, only one adds the child; a child added twice receives two gifts. The other parent counts as a separate household, so the organizer can add an exclusion to stop them drawing the child.

Only the adult who added the child opens the child’s match and edits the child’s wishlist, so the other parent sends ideas to that adult. If that adult leaves the exchange, the children they added leave too.

A child can also be in two exchanges, with a profile in each. Callum and Elsie spend part of the holidays with their father, who can add them to his own family’s exchange; they then receive a gift in each.

• How children take part, and who covers the extra gifts

Each exchange has one budget per gift, fixed when the organizer creates it. Every adult gives at least one gift and chooses their own number; nobody is given an extra gift automatically. Share the extras so one relative does not carry them all.

In the example, Elsie and Rory only receive, so Margaret and Kirsty each agree to give two gifts; the draw decides who receives them. Fiona and Duncan each give one and help their older child give one. At a fictional €20 per gift, Margaret, Fiona, Duncan and Kirsty each spend up to €40, and Gordon up to €20.

The app shows each adult the total for their own gifts: ‘Your budget: up to €40 for 2 gifts.’ Fiona sees up to €20 for 1 gift, because the gift Callum gives sits on his own row; she pays for it too. Gift numbers are fixed once names are drawn.

• Set the budget per gift and work out each giver’s total

Each exchange has one organizer and one private invitation: a link with a code. Until the draw, every adult who has joined sees it on the exchange page and can pass it on, with their own name as the person inviting. SantaTogether never sends the invitation on its own.

Each adult signs in, joins and adds the children they look after. ‘Who takes part’ lists everyone who has joined; compare it with the family list, because the app does not know whom you invited.

A link expires 180 days after it is made. The organizer can replace it: the old link and code stop working at once, and adults who already joined stay.

Nobody can join while the draw stands; reopening the exchange cancels every match, so agree a last day to join. The organizer can hand the role to another adult, who must accept. The organizer never sees who drew whom.

• Agree a last day to join and the other family rules
• Copy an invitation message for the family chat

Before the draw, ‘Agree gifts’ shows a gift balance: one row per person, children included, with what each receives and gives. The gifts must add up to the number of people; until they do, the app says how many are missing or too many.

For the family in the table, the balance reads ‘Balanced: 9 gifts for 9 people’. The draw button stays off until the gifts balance and the rules allow a complete draw. If no draw fits the rules, the app says so and relaxes none of them.

With the household rule and the couple exclusion, this family has 7,812 complete results, and the draw picks one at random. Each adult then opens only their own matches and those of the children they added.

• How the generator checks the rules and picks the matches